Choices....

Somethings been bothering me for a couple of days and I feel like there is more that needs to be said.  A few days ago a friend of mine posted a facebook status about "1 in 10 of everyone born is gay..." and the debate went on.  Well, I read a comment posted back saying about how it was our choice to love a member of the same sex and that special benefits shouldn't be given just because we CHOOSE to love the same sex.  Well, I got something to say about that and I've had a long time to think about it.

I makes me mad when people say we have a choice.  I'm sure there are some out there that do, but for the majority, and we are a huge majority, we were born this way.  My fight with my mother, God bless her for her beliefs (and I would never deny anyone their beliefs) is that I would never have chosen a lifestyle in which the suicide and mortality rates is one of the highest in world (and I've been on the suicide end several times). I would never have chosen to alienate myself from family and friends.  I would never have chosen to live my life watching life pass me by through the bottom of a bottle.  Yes, even I say to myself, I made the choice to drink and to avoid life.  But at a young age of 13, 14, 15 - when influences are beyond our control and all you want to do is to fit in, it was easier to give up, than to fight.  And being  AFRAID (as my sponsor tells me) is one of those character defects that we are always afraid of admitting.

So, being young, and afraid, and finding alcohol, I had my escape.  And I did.  There are those out there that aren't that lucky.  Though it is much more accepted now and people are educated and trained in dealing with this, it wasn't back when I was going through it.  And still, the rate of teenage suicide due to not being able to handle the fact that they are different is higher than it's ever been.  And yet, there are people who still believe that its a choice.  We Had No Choice. 

Would I go back and change it if I could?  No, I wouldn't change one single day that lead me on my way to you.  This is the reason we live isn't it?  To try and effect a change. To make one thing better than it was when we found it.  That's what they taught me when I was in the Boy Scouts.  Always leave a camp area the way you found it or better.  And isn't that all we're doing here on this planet.  Camping????  I know it sounds so simple.  But we've lost sight of the simple things, because, once again... there are people out there who try to make it difficult.  Break it down to its smallest simpliest (?) element and what do we have?  A great big campsite that we've destroyed and broken and squandered away.  No tangents,  sorry.

Anyway, choices... yes we have choices.  And my choice now is to speak out against the bigotry and stupidity that runs this world.  Did I have a choice in being gay?  NO.  I would not want to put my family through the things I did by choice.  I did choose to try and hide it and in the process drive myself and my family to the brink of madness.  I did choose to drink and further alienate myself from the world.  I did choose, in the end to stop the madness.  If I had chosen not to stop drinking, I would be dead.  I know that.  But instead I opted to live and love and be happy.  And now, three days from this posting, if Hurricane Paula doesn't ruin all our plans, I will have a awesomely loving addition to my family. 

So parents, I challenge you (in keeping with my HERO theme) to be a hero to your child.  Don't be afraid to talk to them.  They're scared enough.  If my dad had just said, "I know your gay.  Let's talk."  My life would be different.  Can't say for sure but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have tried suicide several times.  I wouldn't have put Trisha through a horriffic two years of pure hell. Trish if you read this, I'm trying to apologize and haven't quite gotten the courage to do it.  Things would have been different and I want to believe different for the better.  And better is what all parents want for their children isn't it.  God, please, don't just say nothing.  Talk to your kids.  It's your CHOICE.