Because I Knew You, I've Been Changed Forever

I drove to Jacksonville today for a very somberly sad occasion.  My friend, and often father figure, passed away last week and today we said our farewells.  As stories were told, I drifted back to a day many years ago and relived a story of my own.

Joe, Patti and Amy came into Outback one Sunday afternoon many, many years ago for dinner as they often did.  Usually, they would sit and have dinner at the bar, but for some reason, this time, they sat in the dining room.  I was off and just happened to be at the restaurant having a few beers, and a few more and some shots thrown in there too not an uncommon sight then).  Anyway, I joined them for dinner and conversation ensued and it was going well.  Now, for those of you who know Joe Okupski, there are not many things in this world that make him speechless.  I am the bearer of one of those rare moments.  His sons and I had been friends for a while and I just assumed that they had talked to him about me.  Not true.  So when I mentioned the fact that I was gay, I kept going with the conversation until I say his face.  The look.  The famous look.  Wow!!

Now, I had been told stories of Joe by the boys, Chris and Ryan, and knew of his anger.  I was afraid of what was going on in his mind.  A few seconds passed and he stated, "I didn't know that".  And that was the end of it.

Years went by, we grew closer and I often house sat and watched the dogs, Phoenix and Sedonna.  More times than I cared for, he and Patti gave me shelter when I had none, was always there with a kind word and hearty laugh.  He took me to Emerills in Miami once and I had duck.  He thinks I don't remember, but I do.  The Louis was great too but I don't remember much of the car ride home.  We were friends.  He never judged me. He knew my heart and my mind.  I will miss him. 

He would tell me later, that I changed the way he thought about homosexuals.  And that he thought of me as a son.  He came to my wedding in Key West and I could see the pride on his face when he saw how happy I was.  I was happy he was there.

Several years later, I would see him only twice more:  Once when I helped Amy move to Knoxville and again when Amy got married.  The last time I saw him, I was afraid.  My own father has been fighting Leukemia for about three years now and even though I knew Joe was sick, nothing could prepare me for what I saw when I got to the hotel.  I didn't recognize him and all I could think of was my own father.  All the fear of losing your parents flooded to my mind and it was paralyzing.

Joe walked Amy down the aisle and you could see the love and pride in his face.  It was a great day.  I'm glad he got to see that before he passed.  Today I got say goodbye to a dear friend, but as I was taking a picture of the family, I got to see Joe one more time.  He was present in the faces of his children and grandchildren.  He filled the room with his strength, passion, dedication to family and friends and above all else, his love.  He was a great story teller and now the stories will be told of him.  What do you leave to your child when you're dead?  Only whatever you put in their head.

So Joe, I can proudly say...Because I knew you, I've been changed forever.