It's funny how life sometimes mimics our surroundings. We have all experienced, in some fashion, the effects of Hurricane Irene over the past week. During that week, it felt like my own life the eye of the hurricane. Everything from school, work, relationship and family seemed to be in this great vortex sucking the very marrow from my bones.
Wow...dramatic huh??!!!! That's how it's been feeling. Very dramatic. Let's start with school. I talked to my nursing director about how I had planned out my nursing school career and she agreed with my timeline. The thing that sucked about it was how long I would have to wait after finishing my last pre-requisite before actually starting the program. As long as up to a year. The one good thing we did discuss (if you want to call it good) is that I qualify for a concurrent program where I can finish my AS and BS in Nursing at the same time. It will knock a year off me getting my Bachelor's degree. No problem. YEAH PROBLEM!!!!! It basically means that I have to take two classes from UCF at the same time I'm taking two from SSC. 13 credits a semester instead of 7. For anyone that knows nursing, that's a considerable amount more. Lecture in the morning, lab in the afternoon, and clinicals in the evening. Or anyway they want us to do them. Even on Saturday's. It's okay except that I wont be able to work at all.
That's where the relationship part comes in. Chad is already under a lot of stress. He found out he can graduate in December if he keeps applying himself the way he has. Shouldn't be a problem. Finish school, start work in a salon to get experience while still working at Outback, then make the big bucks and eventually own his own salon. Dreams are coming true. He can make it work, except I keep messing things up.
Me trying not to put more stress on him, is putting more stress on him. I'm trying my best to do things right and keep things on the straight and narrow and some how I keep messing it up. It isn't easy for me. After twenty-five years of doing things a certain way, and being an alcoholic. It isn't easy to change in only three years. I still have cravings. And there are days when I want to crawl back into the bottle and give up. But I don't. I handle the stress. I've got a great set of friends and an extended family that really care about me. But I still find the wall going back up. So, as my sponsor would say, time to get back to the basics. Go back to the things that knocked the wall down in the first place and get my lines of defense re-established. Keep on plugging.
Just as I get all that straightened out, I get a phone call from sister. My dad is in the hospital and has been diagnosed with leukemia. WOW!!! So he's undergoing chemotherapy-agressively-seven days on seven days off then testing to see if it's in remission. If not, then they start over. He's in great physical shape so not a problem except for his age. But, he's a fighter and can beat it. He better. There are still a lot of things I need to say to him. So many things I need to apologize for. So many amends still need to be made and I can't sleep at night knowing I may lose him before I tell him. I want him to see me graduate nursing school and actually be the son he knew I could be. I love him and I need him to see tht. Hang in there dad. I'm coming.
So, that only leaves work. Which hasn't been that bad, except that it's been slow. September is traditionally the slowest time of the year. Although I've had a great August, paying for school and buying a new car has depleted both our savings. Come on LOTTO. Anyone wanting to make a donation to the "Crafty and Chad College Fund" may do so by inquiring at www.idontwanttoeatramennoodlesforthenexttwoyears.com. The only thing I can do is pray. Give it all up to God and have faith that all things will be taken care of. We've handled worse than this and survived and I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle, but I wish it would be enough already. Also forgot to mention that September, is traditionally the worst month for .....HURRICANES.
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