What Dreams May Come

As most of you know, Chad and I recently moved to Orlando.  The move was great, but there were troubled waters that we had to navigate.  It's been a little over a month now and things have started to settle down.  The one thing that we are striving for more than anything is to buy a house.  We knew it would be a long and harried road we traveled, but even still it brings on more stress and frustration than most could imagine.

The biggest thing we had to worry about were credit scores.  We had started working on Chad's credit over a year ago and almost have it in place.  My credit isn't so bad, it's just that there is no recent on-going credit history.  So we were told to open a secue line of credit to show good credit history and to clean up the glitches that were there.  No big deal. 

We are also trying to show that Chad's income is substantial since we will more than likely be using his credit history to establish the loan.  In order to do this, Chad has started working a second job.  No big deal for him since he is a work horse and has always worked two jobs.  But, this time he is working two full time jobs.  This is where it gets fun. 

In order to get what we want, we both have to make sacrifices.  Totally understandable.  The sacrafice I make is not having my partner around as much as I would like.  And when I do get to see him, he needs his personal space.  Time to relax and release.  Also totally understandable.  So, when do we get to talk?  When do we get to have our lives? 

A wise friend once told me that marriage and relationships take a lot of work.  And that as long as love is the motivation behind the action, then patience and undertanding is the most important quality to hold close to your heart.  This is becoming more and more evident.  I know that in six months, when we have our house, things will go back to normal (hopefully).  I know that Chad does these things out of love and the need to have nice things in our life.  The desire to provide for his family is very important for Chad.  Living in a one bedroom apartment with two dogs isn't something that either one of us wanted to do for a long period of time.

Still there are those times when the level of stress and the underlying pressure of trying to do what is best for the relationship is to much.  For example:  We both have been working a lot lately.  I'm doing doubles at Outback and Chad is going back and forth from Outback to Chilis and doesn't get a full day off.  Yesterday, I found myself picking a fight with him over something that I know bothers him just so I get some one-on-one time with my husband.  It just seemed that we haven't really talked to each other in a while and I would rather fight than not say anything at all.  My God, how stupid is that.  But it happens.  Relationships are a very fragile thing and knowing how to push ones buttons is very dangerous.  Pick your battles wisely because they can blow up in your face. 

So, I looked a few things up on line and did a little reading.  When times get tough like that, it is said that its better to talk to your partner when the time is right, and maybe set a few minutes aside in the morning before work or the evening before bed, where the two of you can talk.  Doesn't matter what.  How was work?  The dog's did something totally incredible today?  etc., etc.,...  It is even suggested that a random act of kindness toward your partner could save a lot hassels.  Try a spontaneous foot rub, or leave them a note saying you've taken the dogs (kids) to the park.  Relax for a bit. 

By doing this, it alows the stress levels to decrease and allows for a much more open and flowing relationship.  When it does feel like your gonna explode, I learned from many AA classes, just say to your mate: "Hey, I need a little space."  Breathe.  Try to put yourself in the others shoes and realize that it isn't about you.  Your just not that important.

Who knows, by talking things out and giving each other a little room, you may never know what dreams may come.