Friends

This past weekend, I had the chance to get together with some old friends of mine.  We hadn't seen each other together in about twelve years.  Although we've read about each other on Facebook, and had the ocassional phone call, we hadn't seen face to face.  The impetus behind seeing each other now was that one of the girls, Wendy, was coming down to visit family in the area and we all decided to get together.

Gotta admit that I was a little hesitant.  It had been a long time since we'd seen each other and so much had changed.  But I went.  One of the things I've been trying to do, changing one of my character defects, is to not turn my back on the past.  One of the things I've always been able to do is close the door on my past and never look back.  I've lost many friends over the years because of this.  It's something I developed as a child.  It's much harder to get hurt when you don't allow anyone in your life.  I always thought it was harder  to keep people in your life.  It's so much work.  Phone calls, letters, lunches, meetings, family events, etc., etc., etc.,.....  Now, I want these things.

But like I said, it all stems from my childhood.  I was so alone that I created my own little world.  I never developed social skills.  I was so awkward.  Never knowing the right thing to say.and when I did speak, I usually found myself saying the wrong thing which made me withdraw further into myself. I was also notorious for doing things that made people look at me like "What were you thinking?"  I was truly in my own world where no one understood me or had time for me. Later in life, this turned into many little problems.  Social anxiety disorder and claustrophobia are the big ones.  Although, I've learned to come out of my shell, it still presents itself from time to time especially when dealing with anything from the past.

Th only time I ever came out of this shell was when I was drinking.  We drink to be something that we're not.  To tear down our walls and live outside of ourselves.  So I thought.  I've come to learn that I can be anything I want to be without drinking.  Although I sometimes miss this euphoric feeling, I don't miss the feelings of guilt and regret usually associated with the onset of remembering what I did after sobering up.  This past weekend was rough because I wanted to drink and be who I was in the past.  The one the girls all knew.  But I know they love me better this way.  Or so I hope.

Anyway, seeing the girls with their kids was amazing.  Wendy came down from Mass. with her husband and child (Paul and Caleb).  So cute.  It was good to see that Wendy had stayed the same.  She was always able to make me smile and laugh.  It's good to see that she met someone that balances her and that their child will grow in a loving and laughing atmosphere.

Vicky (Victoria Vesuvius Venus Filet Velez-Agriesti) has fallen into the roll of mother and caregiver with an ease that staggers me.  Vicky was always the free-spirit.  Did what she wanted always being mindful of others but having so much fun it was amazing.  She's still the same way.  She has two boys now - Anthony and Joshua Jr..  It's gonna be awesome to see these two boys grow with all the love that she has to give.

Cat.  Wow!!!!  When I met Cat she was coming out of a divorce with two small boys on her side.  She tackles life like any New Yorker.  Guns blazing and all be damned if you get in my way.  But I think she's the glue to kept us all together.  She's amazing in how she manages to get everything done and still have so much fun with life while never losing sight of what she wants.  Not to mention that her two boys are grown now and I remember babysitting them when they were still in diapers.  I still wonder how we all didn't end up in jail after some of the things we'd done, but I like the way our lives have led us to where we are now.

After lunch with the girls, I said hi to a few other friends I hadn't seen in a while and then headed to Wendy's Aunts house, Linda (my first Outback boss).  She was having a family get together and, since it was on my way back to Orlando, I stopped by.  Needless to say, once again, I was amazed.  She looked the same, but the children were grown now.  The twins, Austin and Ryan, whom I used to sit for are 13 now; Hannah 12, all taller than Linda.  Haley, who is now 21, was just in elementary school when I first got to know Linda.  Just incredible where life has taken us.

I feel that time plays tricks on us.  One day, you're the new kid who thinks he'll never fit in and the next, you're watching as your friends get married, have families and grow up.  Even me, whom I thought would never have furniture of my own, is sitting in front of the computer each month paying bills, and wondering how we are ever gonna buy a house without cutting back on some of our luxury expenses.  I keep reminding myself that there are people out there that do it with less than we have, and in all due time, God will fulfill all our dreams and wishes.