It's funny to me to roles that people play. I know I've touched on this in an earlier blog about how over time the roles we play in our lives change (from partier to mother, etc., etc.,....) but for the most part our basic instincts have stayed the same. You if look back at your life and really examine your character over the years, I'm sure you'll see that you have the same basic role, but you've just played it differently. I am a caregiver.
Last night Chad and I had "date night". Our lives have been really hectic since moving to Orlando and it seems that we don't spend any time with each other even though we see each other quite a bit throughout the day. It was great. We went to a movie ("I am number 4"; it's really good) and then dinner (Bubba Gump at City Walk; terrible service). I know this seems like no extraordinary night, but it means a lot. When we get busy and get brought down to living day to day without making any real time to do things with each other, you lose a little bit of that special bond. Now, sitting on the couch watching T.V. is together time, but are you really interacting with each other? NO. Being out gives you the chance to talk. To do something together that's out of the ordinary. We played video games before the movie since we were early. We laughed with each other and competed. It lets you know something about your partner that you may have forgotten or that slipped to the wayside. We had a good time.
But I am on a tangent. The role of caregiver has always been in my life. But I lost track of that at some point even though I can retrace my steps over the past few years and see that it wasn't lost. I was still doing it, but it was downplayed. Since Chad and I met, the role of caregiver has come to the forefront once again. And I love it. I had forgotten how self-fulfilling it is to be self-less. To stand outside of yourself and do for others. We forget that in the hustle and bustle of everyday life.
I remember a time in my life when I was the caregiver for a quadriplegic. Dan. Imagine if you will not having the use of your arms and legs. This young man wanted to finish college after his accident and go into Sports Management. I was at a low point (one of many) in my life and didn't have anything to do. No job. School was not in the picture. So I found Dan and spent the next two and half years being his arms and legs. It got to me sometimes. And there were plenty of times when I was selfish. But it made me feel great to know that I helped him finish college and get placed at the University of Tennessee Athletic Department.
It's almost like that with Chad. Kidding. But I love the way it makes me feel. I never thought in a million years that I would get up in the morning, take the dogs for a walk, go to they gym with Chad and work out, come home make breakfast, pack his lunch and dinner and send him off to work. Now shut up. I'm not the woman or the housewife. I take my manhood very seriously. Just with a little more flare. But these are the roles that we fill. He's the provider. It's important to him to make us a nice home and to have nice things. I'm the caregiver. I take care of the nice things and make sure he's able to give them to me.
Sounds pretty simple, but it isn't. I love the life we have. A lot of people yearn for what we have. It takes a lot of work. But we all deserve it. God didn't put us here to be unhappy. Sometimes we just need a kick in the butt to realize it. So fill your role with grace and flare. There's nothing wrong with it. And if you need a little help along the way.... come talk to me . I'm the caregiver.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
A Glimpse of Understanding
I'm beginning to love my days off again. It's been such a hustle and bustle since Chad and I moved to Orlando, but it seems like things are finally settling down. We both are getting the schedules we want (more or less) and we are getting our lives in order for the next step (the house). So, in getting to this happy point of our lives, I can start paying attention to two young fellows who always seem to get the short end of the stick.
Chad and I both work a lot; doubles at least four out of six days. So on our days off we really don't want to do much. My perfect day off consists of getting out of bed and moving to the couch. Getting off the couch to get a bite to eat. Getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. Getting off the couch to go to bed. PERFECT!!!!!!! Somewhere between doing nothing on my day off and working, I still do the laundry, clean the house and shop. Kinda busy.
And I'm forgetting the dogs. These two, wonderful souls that enrich our lives so much, but always seem to take the back burner to everything else. They never ask for much: food, water, the occasional bathroom break and a back rub or two, here or there. We take them for granted, much like we do each other. We expect them to warm our feet on cold night; give us a kiss when we get home from a rough day; and to be loyal to our every order. What's really happening is that they stay locked in their crates all day while we work, holding their bladders until we can make time for them. We yell at them when they bark, and sometimes forget to feed or water them. But they are there.
Every time we come home, they jump on us and lick us. They bring us their favorite, often smelly, toy and ask nothing of us but to play a little fetch. And more time than naught, it seems as though it's to much of a bother. Well, it's not.
In Key West, I used to love playing fetch with Bare in the morning before Chad got up. There we had a nice fenced in yard where this was possible. Here, in apartment life, this isn't. They both have to be on leashes most of the time and where Bare is older and listens when I call, Percy is to small and would run out into traffic if I let him off his leash. It's not a very nice life for these two.
Today I took them to a dog park and realized that I owe as much time, attention and affection to these two lovely pups as would any parent to their child. Percy is an amazing animal. He is quick and vibrant and loves to play in the mud (although I could do without it). Bare loves jogging and playing in the water. Being with other dogs, these two amaze me as they don't get as much time to interact with other animals as I would like. Percy, reminds me of a Peanuts episode I saw once where Snoopy would lie in wait to attack a passerby. Percy does the same thing. It's great watching him think that the other dog can't see him as he lays there. Waiting. POUNCE!!!!! Wow!
So, it is even more important for me to get them out of this apartment and into a house with a fenced yard where they can roam, run, pounce, play and poop freely. These are my children. And though I may never truly know what it's like to raise children, I understand the importance parents feel to make a life for their children where it is safe. Where they can grow at their own pace and be the individuals they are. So I thank my two best friends for giving me this glimpse of understanding.
Chad and I both work a lot; doubles at least four out of six days. So on our days off we really don't want to do much. My perfect day off consists of getting out of bed and moving to the couch. Getting off the couch to get a bite to eat. Getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. Getting off the couch to go to bed. PERFECT!!!!!!! Somewhere between doing nothing on my day off and working, I still do the laundry, clean the house and shop. Kinda busy.
And I'm forgetting the dogs. These two, wonderful souls that enrich our lives so much, but always seem to take the back burner to everything else. They never ask for much: food, water, the occasional bathroom break and a back rub or two, here or there. We take them for granted, much like we do each other. We expect them to warm our feet on cold night; give us a kiss when we get home from a rough day; and to be loyal to our every order. What's really happening is that they stay locked in their crates all day while we work, holding their bladders until we can make time for them. We yell at them when they bark, and sometimes forget to feed or water them. But they are there.
Every time we come home, they jump on us and lick us. They bring us their favorite, often smelly, toy and ask nothing of us but to play a little fetch. And more time than naught, it seems as though it's to much of a bother. Well, it's not.
In Key West, I used to love playing fetch with Bare in the morning before Chad got up. There we had a nice fenced in yard where this was possible. Here, in apartment life, this isn't. They both have to be on leashes most of the time and where Bare is older and listens when I call, Percy is to small and would run out into traffic if I let him off his leash. It's not a very nice life for these two.
Today I took them to a dog park and realized that I owe as much time, attention and affection to these two lovely pups as would any parent to their child. Percy is an amazing animal. He is quick and vibrant and loves to play in the mud (although I could do without it). Bare loves jogging and playing in the water. Being with other dogs, these two amaze me as they don't get as much time to interact with other animals as I would like. Percy, reminds me of a Peanuts episode I saw once where Snoopy would lie in wait to attack a passerby. Percy does the same thing. It's great watching him think that the other dog can't see him as he lays there. Waiting. POUNCE!!!!! Wow!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Friends
This past weekend, I had the chance to get together with some old friends of mine. We hadn't seen each other together in about twelve years. Although we've read about each other on Facebook, and had the ocassional phone call, we hadn't seen face to face. The impetus behind seeing each other now was that one of the girls, Wendy, was coming down to visit family in the area and we all decided to get together.
Gotta admit that I was a little hesitant. It had been a long time since we'd seen each other and so much had changed. But I went. One of the things I've been trying to do, changing one of my character defects, is to not turn my back on the past. One of the things I've always been able to do is close the door on my past and never look back. I've lost many friends over the years because of this. It's something I developed as a child. It's much harder to get hurt when you don't allow anyone in your life. I always thought it was harder to keep people in your life. It's so much work. Phone calls, letters, lunches, meetings, family events, etc., etc., etc.,..... Now, I want these things.
But like I said, it all stems from my childhood. I was so alone that I created my own little world. I never developed social skills. I was so awkward. Never knowing the right thing to say.and when I did speak, I usually found myself saying the wrong thing which made me withdraw further into myself. I was also notorious for doing things that made people look at me like "What were you thinking?" I was truly in my own world where no one understood me or had time for me. Later in life, this turned into many little problems. Social anxiety disorder and claustrophobia are the big ones. Although, I've learned to come out of my shell, it still presents itself from time to time especially when dealing with anything from the past.
Th only time I ever came out of this shell was when I was drinking. We drink to be something that we're not. To tear down our walls and live outside of ourselves. So I thought. I've come to learn that I can be anything I want to be without drinking. Although I sometimes miss this euphoric feeling, I don't miss the feelings of guilt and regret usually associated with the onset of remembering what I did after sobering up. This past weekend was rough because I wanted to drink and be who I was in the past. The one the girls all knew. But I know they love me better this way. Or so I hope.
Anyway, seeing the girls with their kids was amazing. Wendy came down from Mass. with her husband and child (Paul and Caleb). So cute. It was good to see that Wendy had stayed the same. She was always able to make me smile and laugh. It's good to see that she met someone that balances her and that their child will grow in a loving and laughing atmosphere.
Vicky (Victoria Vesuvius Venus Filet Velez-Agriesti) has fallen into the roll of mother and caregiver with an ease that staggers me. Vicky was always the free-spirit. Did what she wanted always being mindful of others but having so much fun it was amazing. She's still the same way. She has two boys now - Anthony and Joshua Jr.. It's gonna be awesome to see these two boys grow with all the love that she has to give.
Cat. Wow!!!! When I met Cat she was coming out of a divorce with two small boys on her side. She tackles life like any New Yorker. Guns blazing and all be damned if you get in my way. But I think she's the glue to kept us all together. She's amazing in how she manages to get everything done and still have so much fun with life while never losing sight of what she wants. Not to mention that her two boys are grown now and I remember babysitting them when they were still in diapers. I still wonder how we all didn't end up in jail after some of the things we'd done, but I like the way our lives have led us to where we are now.
After lunch with the girls, I said hi to a few other friends I hadn't seen in a while and then headed to Wendy's Aunts house, Linda (my first Outback boss). She was having a family get together and, since it was on my way back to Orlando, I stopped by. Needless to say, once again, I was amazed. She looked the same, but the children were grown now. The twins, Austin and Ryan, whom I used to sit for are 13 now; Hannah 12, all taller than Linda. Haley, who is now 21, was just in elementary school when I first got to know Linda. Just incredible where life has taken us.
I feel that time plays tricks on us. One day, you're the new kid who thinks he'll never fit in and the next, you're watching as your friends get married, have families and grow up. Even me, whom I thought would never have furniture of my own, is sitting in front of the computer each month paying bills, and wondering how we are ever gonna buy a house without cutting back on some of our luxury expenses. I keep reminding myself that there are people out there that do it with less than we have, and in all due time, God will fulfill all our dreams and wishes.
Gotta admit that I was a little hesitant. It had been a long time since we'd seen each other and so much had changed. But I went. One of the things I've been trying to do, changing one of my character defects, is to not turn my back on the past. One of the things I've always been able to do is close the door on my past and never look back. I've lost many friends over the years because of this. It's something I developed as a child. It's much harder to get hurt when you don't allow anyone in your life. I always thought it was harder to keep people in your life. It's so much work. Phone calls, letters, lunches, meetings, family events, etc., etc., etc.,..... Now, I want these things.
But like I said, it all stems from my childhood. I was so alone that I created my own little world. I never developed social skills. I was so awkward. Never knowing the right thing to say.and when I did speak, I usually found myself saying the wrong thing which made me withdraw further into myself. I was also notorious for doing things that made people look at me like "What were you thinking?" I was truly in my own world where no one understood me or had time for me. Later in life, this turned into many little problems. Social anxiety disorder and claustrophobia are the big ones. Although, I've learned to come out of my shell, it still presents itself from time to time especially when dealing with anything from the past.
Th only time I ever came out of this shell was when I was drinking. We drink to be something that we're not. To tear down our walls and live outside of ourselves. So I thought. I've come to learn that I can be anything I want to be without drinking. Although I sometimes miss this euphoric feeling, I don't miss the feelings of guilt and regret usually associated with the onset of remembering what I did after sobering up. This past weekend was rough because I wanted to drink and be who I was in the past. The one the girls all knew. But I know they love me better this way. Or so I hope.
Anyway, seeing the girls with their kids was amazing. Wendy came down from Mass. with her husband and child (Paul and Caleb). So cute. It was good to see that Wendy had stayed the same. She was always able to make me smile and laugh. It's good to see that she met someone that balances her and that their child will grow in a loving and laughing atmosphere.
Vicky (Victoria Vesuvius Venus Filet Velez-Agriesti) has fallen into the roll of mother and caregiver with an ease that staggers me. Vicky was always the free-spirit. Did what she wanted always being mindful of others but having so much fun it was amazing. She's still the same way. She has two boys now - Anthony and Joshua Jr.. It's gonna be awesome to see these two boys grow with all the love that she has to give.
Cat. Wow!!!! When I met Cat she was coming out of a divorce with two small boys on her side. She tackles life like any New Yorker. Guns blazing and all be damned if you get in my way. But I think she's the glue to kept us all together. She's amazing in how she manages to get everything done and still have so much fun with life while never losing sight of what she wants. Not to mention that her two boys are grown now and I remember babysitting them when they were still in diapers. I still wonder how we all didn't end up in jail after some of the things we'd done, but I like the way our lives have led us to where we are now.
After lunch with the girls, I said hi to a few other friends I hadn't seen in a while and then headed to Wendy's Aunts house, Linda (my first Outback boss). She was having a family get together and, since it was on my way back to Orlando, I stopped by. Needless to say, once again, I was amazed. She looked the same, but the children were grown now. The twins, Austin and Ryan, whom I used to sit for are 13 now; Hannah 12, all taller than Linda. Haley, who is now 21, was just in elementary school when I first got to know Linda. Just incredible where life has taken us.
I feel that time plays tricks on us. One day, you're the new kid who thinks he'll never fit in and the next, you're watching as your friends get married, have families and grow up. Even me, whom I thought would never have furniture of my own, is sitting in front of the computer each month paying bills, and wondering how we are ever gonna buy a house without cutting back on some of our luxury expenses. I keep reminding myself that there are people out there that do it with less than we have, and in all due time, God will fulfill all our dreams and wishes.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
What Dreams May Come
As most of you know, Chad and I recently moved to Orlando. The move was great, but there were troubled waters that we had to navigate. It's been a little over a month now and things have started to settle down. The one thing that we are striving for more than anything is to buy a house. We knew it would be a long and harried road we traveled, but even still it brings on more stress and frustration than most could imagine.
The biggest thing we had to worry about were credit scores. We had started working on Chad's credit over a year ago and almost have it in place. My credit isn't so bad, it's just that there is no recent on-going credit history. So we were told to open a secue line of credit to show good credit history and to clean up the glitches that were there. No big deal.
We are also trying to show that Chad's income is substantial since we will more than likely be using his credit history to establish the loan. In order to do this, Chad has started working a second job. No big deal for him since he is a work horse and has always worked two jobs. But, this time he is working two full time jobs. This is where it gets fun.
In order to get what we want, we both have to make sacrifices. Totally understandable. The sacrafice I make is not having my partner around as much as I would like. And when I do get to see him, he needs his personal space. Time to relax and release. Also totally understandable. So, when do we get to talk? When do we get to have our lives?
A wise friend once told me that marriage and relationships take a lot of work. And that as long as love is the motivation behind the action, then patience and undertanding is the most important quality to hold close to your heart. This is becoming more and more evident. I know that in six months, when we have our house, things will go back to normal (hopefully). I know that Chad does these things out of love and the need to have nice things in our life. The desire to provide for his family is very important for Chad. Living in a one bedroom apartment with two dogs isn't something that either one of us wanted to do for a long period of time.
Still there are those times when the level of stress and the underlying pressure of trying to do what is best for the relationship is to much. For example: We both have been working a lot lately. I'm doing doubles at Outback and Chad is going back and forth from Outback to Chilis and doesn't get a full day off. Yesterday, I found myself picking a fight with him over something that I know bothers him just so I get some one-on-one time with my husband. It just seemed that we haven't really talked to each other in a while and I would rather fight than not say anything at all. My God, how stupid is that. But it happens. Relationships are a very fragile thing and knowing how to push ones buttons is very dangerous. Pick your battles wisely because they can blow up in your face.
So, I looked a few things up on line and did a little reading. When times get tough like that, it is said that its better to talk to your partner when the time is right, and maybe set a few minutes aside in the morning before work or the evening before bed, where the two of you can talk. Doesn't matter what. How was work? The dog's did something totally incredible today? etc., etc.,... It is even suggested that a random act of kindness toward your partner could save a lot hassels. Try a spontaneous foot rub, or leave them a note saying you've taken the dogs (kids) to the park. Relax for a bit.
By doing this, it alows the stress levels to decrease and allows for a much more open and flowing relationship. When it does feel like your gonna explode, I learned from many AA classes, just say to your mate: "Hey, I need a little space." Breathe. Try to put yourself in the others shoes and realize that it isn't about you. Your just not that important.
Who knows, by talking things out and giving each other a little room, you may never know what dreams may come.
The biggest thing we had to worry about were credit scores. We had started working on Chad's credit over a year ago and almost have it in place. My credit isn't so bad, it's just that there is no recent on-going credit history. So we were told to open a secue line of credit to show good credit history and to clean up the glitches that were there. No big deal.
We are also trying to show that Chad's income is substantial since we will more than likely be using his credit history to establish the loan. In order to do this, Chad has started working a second job. No big deal for him since he is a work horse and has always worked two jobs. But, this time he is working two full time jobs. This is where it gets fun.
In order to get what we want, we both have to make sacrifices. Totally understandable. The sacrafice I make is not having my partner around as much as I would like. And when I do get to see him, he needs his personal space. Time to relax and release. Also totally understandable. So, when do we get to talk? When do we get to have our lives?
A wise friend once told me that marriage and relationships take a lot of work. And that as long as love is the motivation behind the action, then patience and undertanding is the most important quality to hold close to your heart. This is becoming more and more evident. I know that in six months, when we have our house, things will go back to normal (hopefully). I know that Chad does these things out of love and the need to have nice things in our life. The desire to provide for his family is very important for Chad. Living in a one bedroom apartment with two dogs isn't something that either one of us wanted to do for a long period of time.
Still there are those times when the level of stress and the underlying pressure of trying to do what is best for the relationship is to much. For example: We both have been working a lot lately. I'm doing doubles at Outback and Chad is going back and forth from Outback to Chilis and doesn't get a full day off. Yesterday, I found myself picking a fight with him over something that I know bothers him just so I get some one-on-one time with my husband. It just seemed that we haven't really talked to each other in a while and I would rather fight than not say anything at all. My God, how stupid is that. But it happens. Relationships are a very fragile thing and knowing how to push ones buttons is very dangerous. Pick your battles wisely because they can blow up in your face.
So, I looked a few things up on line and did a little reading. When times get tough like that, it is said that its better to talk to your partner when the time is right, and maybe set a few minutes aside in the morning before work or the evening before bed, where the two of you can talk. Doesn't matter what. How was work? The dog's did something totally incredible today? etc., etc.,... It is even suggested that a random act of kindness toward your partner could save a lot hassels. Try a spontaneous foot rub, or leave them a note saying you've taken the dogs (kids) to the park. Relax for a bit.
By doing this, it alows the stress levels to decrease and allows for a much more open and flowing relationship. When it does feel like your gonna explode, I learned from many AA classes, just say to your mate: "Hey, I need a little space." Breathe. Try to put yourself in the others shoes and realize that it isn't about you. Your just not that important.
Who knows, by talking things out and giving each other a little room, you may never know what dreams may come.
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