No One Said It Would Be Easy

I've started several blogs over the past month and haven't finished a one.  I always seem to have a great topic when I start and then I lose enthusiasm and forget my train of thought.  Why is that?  There was a time when I could write for hours and never run out of things to say.  Now, there is just so much going on in my head and so much I would like to write about, but never seem to have the time or energy. 

I think one of the biggest things that holds me back is that I'm afraid of saying something that will hurt someone's feelings.  The whole point of the blog was for me to get all the things I keep bottled up inside me out.  Since I was a child, I've always had trouble saying what's on my mind, or speaking up when spoken to.   Once again, fear ran my life. 

I talked to my dad today.  I finally told him that I was sorry for not being the son he deserved in my younger years and now that I've stopped drinking, it has been on my mind a lot of how badly I treated him and my immediate family.  He said to me "I couldv'e been a lot worse" and "I wasn't that bad".  He understood that I was going through a lot and didn't feel like I could talk to anyone.  So, there it is.  We are okay and I got to say the things I wanted to say to him.  By the way, he's doing much better.  He says he has more energy every day and that all his latest tests have come back great with no signs of the cancer.  He's optimistic and hoping for the best.  Me too.

The one thing he told me was to keep going in school and to keep trying my best.  He has the upmost faith in me and knows that Chad and I will find happiness and can't wait for us to come home and see him.  Takes a lot off my mind.

Lately, It's like I've been waiting for a bomb to drop.  Things seem to be going great.  Money is a little tight and that always causes stress, but I see that coming to an end.  Chad only has about six weeks of school left and then he can concentrate more on getting a job in a salon and I can spend more time in school.  Just a couple of years and I'll be done and we can do all the things we want to do:  travel, vacation, have our dream cars and house.  Can't wait.  Just a few hurdles to overcome and all can be ours.  I know it's cliche, but its true....No one ever said it would be easy.