The Next Six Years

So much has happened that it makes it really hard to believe that it's only been six years.  Seems like a lifetime ago and as well it should.  Because it was another life.  Someone elses.  Someone I wasn't very proud of.  For the past week I've been thinking hard about that life and one day last week (last Saturday to be exact) I was an inch close to throwing it all away.  It's amazing how quickly we want to return to our past even when our current life is the best thing we have ever known.  Of course I didn't.  I turned to all the things that have kept me sober for six years and held on to them.

I started thinking about my friends first:  Becky, Emsa, Yara, Tiff and how much they mean to me and that they would never have been a part of my life if I was still drinking.  Then my family:  my Mom, sisters, brother, my extended Fallon Family and knew that they wouldn't be there either.  And then the big hitter:  my life.  I wouldn't even be around.  I think of all the wonderful things that have happened to me since I quit drinking and of all the things I've done and seen.  I think of all the possibilities of all the things to come and know that I want to grow old and maybe pass a little of what I've learned on to the generations to come.  

I do know that I never would have made it this far without the help of some very special, patient and loving people:  Chad, Erica, Brian C., my sponsor Haig, God, Alison and Angela Storchevoy, both of my families, especially my Dad.  It's funny that in his death, I found strength. And even though it's been almost two years since he's been gone,  I still look to the stars every night and say hello and tell him how much I miss him.  I still seek his approval in everything I do and I know he's there watching over me.

One thing that's gotten me thinking about my sobriety so much is this girl I work with at the Deli.  I see her going through some of the same things I did.  I see how much she changes from sober to drunk and how she's throwing it all away, even her kids.  I want to reach out and smack her and shake her till she understands, but I don't.  Instead, I've offered to be there and help her when she decides she's ready.  Because I know there is no other way.  You can't force this on someone.  Rock bottom comes up fast and hard and I know I'll be there when she's ready.  If she's ready.  See, some of us don't get the chance to recover.  Some of us don't ever see exactly what alcohol is doing to our life.  Some do and choose to do nothing about it.  Praise be to those that don't have the problem.  It was explained to me that some of us just aren't wired correctly to be drinkers.  My problem was once I started, I didn't want to stop.  And it almost killed me.

So, today is my anniversary.  Six years ago today I stopped drinking.  Six years ago today, I was reborn.  And I damn well like the person I am now (if I could lose 30 pounds it would be even better).  I love my life and the direction it's headed and I truly love ALL the people that have chosen me to be a part of this life with them.  To all those I've mentioned and to all the others that I haven't, I can't wait to be with you for the Next Six Years. and the six years after that.  and the six years after that.  and the six years after that..etc.