You Are Not Alone

I've been sitting here reading over some of my old posts from years past trying to come of with some inspiration.  See...the thing is, I've been wanting to write for a while, and I know some of the topics that I wanted to talk about but nothing was bringing it all together.  I've never told anyone this but when I decide to write a blog, I always come up with a title first and challenge myself to end by using the title as the last words in the blog.  It isn't that hard, but sometimes I can't start because I can't think of a title.  Stupid.  I know. 
It's been a busy 2015 already.  Not to mention the fact that it's hotter than &%#$ out there. Personally, I believe "The Day After Tomorrow" storyline wherein the global climate shifts.  I'm in the perfect part of the country for it, but this weather is crazy.  I moved back to Florida.  Kentucky just wasn't the place for me.  I miss my family, but they understood.  Home is where the heart is and mine is here.  My sisters did come down with me when I moved and got to see the town I live in and I found a house with a view of the lake and a big back yard for Keeper to play in.  He loves not being on the leash anymore and the warmer weather really agrees with him (Me too).  So, all is good on my end. 
I enrolled in summer classes and started working back at the Deli and Outback.  So, I'm staying busy but I make sure and find time for me.
Growing up I idolized my sister.  Wanted to be just like her.  She has a great personality.  Makes friends with anyone very easily and always puts other people before herself.  Not to mention she had some pretty cute boyfriends too.  Talking now, there are things that I remember from HER high school years that she doesn't.  Songs she sang in choir, names of boys she dated... things like that.  This being said, it hurts me to see her hurt.  She's been dealt a lousy hand these past few months.  Things that would break a weaker person, but not her.  She raised two very loving children with very little and worked hard for every bit of it.  I want you to know that I love you. Enjoy this.  I think of you every time I listen to it. 

Sidewalk Prophets - Save My Life Lyrics

Artist: Sidewalk Prophets
Album: Live Like That
Genre: Christian

Heyo! SONGLYRICS just got interactive. Highlight. Review: RIFF-it.
RIFF-it good.

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Play Music

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Listen while you read!

We’ve met half a dozen times
I know your name I know you don’t know mine
But I won’t hold that against you

You come here every Friday night
I take your order and try to be polite
And hide what I’ve been going through

If you looked me right in the eye
Would see the pain deep inside
Would you take the time to

[Chorus:]
Tell me what I need to hear
Tell me that I’m not forgotten
Show me there’s a God
Who can be more than all I’ve ever wanted
‘Cause right now I need a little hope
I need to know that I’m not alone
Maybe God is calling you tonight
To tell me something
That might save my life

I’m the pastor at your church
For all these years you’ve listened to my words
You think I know all the answers

But I’ve got doubts and questions too
Behind this smile I’m really just like you
Afraid and tired and insecure

If you look me right in the eye
Would you see the real me inside
Would you take the time to

[Chorus]

Save my life

I am just like everyone
Jesus I need You, I need Your Love
To save my life

 

The Next Six Years

So much has happened that it makes it really hard to believe that it's only been six years.  Seems like a lifetime ago and as well it should.  Because it was another life.  Someone elses.  Someone I wasn't very proud of.  For the past week I've been thinking hard about that life and one day last week (last Saturday to be exact) I was an inch close to throwing it all away.  It's amazing how quickly we want to return to our past even when our current life is the best thing we have ever known.  Of course I didn't.  I turned to all the things that have kept me sober for six years and held on to them.

I started thinking about my friends first:  Becky, Emsa, Yara, Tiff and how much they mean to me and that they would never have been a part of my life if I was still drinking.  Then my family:  my Mom, sisters, brother, my extended Fallon Family and knew that they wouldn't be there either.  And then the big hitter:  my life.  I wouldn't even be around.  I think of all the wonderful things that have happened to me since I quit drinking and of all the things I've done and seen.  I think of all the possibilities of all the things to come and know that I want to grow old and maybe pass a little of what I've learned on to the generations to come.  

I do know that I never would have made it this far without the help of some very special, patient and loving people:  Chad, Erica, Brian C., my sponsor Haig, God, Alison and Angela Storchevoy, both of my families, especially my Dad.  It's funny that in his death, I found strength. And even though it's been almost two years since he's been gone,  I still look to the stars every night and say hello and tell him how much I miss him.  I still seek his approval in everything I do and I know he's there watching over me.

One thing that's gotten me thinking about my sobriety so much is this girl I work with at the Deli.  I see her going through some of the same things I did.  I see how much she changes from sober to drunk and how she's throwing it all away, even her kids.  I want to reach out and smack her and shake her till she understands, but I don't.  Instead, I've offered to be there and help her when she decides she's ready.  Because I know there is no other way.  You can't force this on someone.  Rock bottom comes up fast and hard and I know I'll be there when she's ready.  If she's ready.  See, some of us don't get the chance to recover.  Some of us don't ever see exactly what alcohol is doing to our life.  Some do and choose to do nothing about it.  Praise be to those that don't have the problem.  It was explained to me that some of us just aren't wired correctly to be drinkers.  My problem was once I started, I didn't want to stop.  And it almost killed me.

So, today is my anniversary.  Six years ago today I stopped drinking.  Six years ago today, I was reborn.  And I damn well like the person I am now (if I could lose 30 pounds it would be even better).  I love my life and the direction it's headed and I truly love ALL the people that have chosen me to be a part of this life with them.  To all those I've mentioned and to all the others that I haven't, I can't wait to be with you for the Next Six Years. and the six years after that.  and the six years after that.  and the six years after that..etc.