It's three in the morning and I can't sleep. Nothing unusual. It happens all the time. Chad is snoring and occasionally will grunt because his feet can't touch mine, but, he'll keep on snoring and not remember a thing in the morning. I guess the reason for my restlessness this particular morning is that my birthday is coming up on Wednesday. I'll turn the ripe young age of 46. No big deal right? Wrong!!
Just yesterday, I was 25. Running around having a great time, living life to the fullest without a care in the world. Today, well, in two days, I'll be 4 years from 50. 50!!! My God, when did this happen. I've never really cared about my age. I've always looked younger than I really am and led my life without care of my age, but now??!!! Why is it that now I look in the mirror and see that I've wasted part of my life and the questions of things I would have done over seem to loom over my head? I mean, I 've seen more and done more than some people will ever have done in their entire lifetime and I still have plenty of life left in me, but now I see those little hairs growing in my ears, all the grey hair in my temples and the aches and pains of working two jobs taking their toll on me faster and faster. Recovery isn't what it used to be and even though I don't drink anymore, half the time I feel like I've been on a three day bender and just want to hide away from the world and not move for a whole day. OUCH!!!
I have seen the Berlin Wall before it came down. Been to the top of the Swiss/Italian Alps and been on a gondola ride on the waterways in Venice. I've seen Ayers Rock and been to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Twice. I've seen the waves crash on the north shore of Hawai'i, jumped from an airplane and ridden in a tank. I've sat on a rock in Gibraltar and smelled the spices on the air as it crossed the straits from Morocco. Vegas is one of my favorite cities and standing on the Hoover Dam still gives me the chills. LA isn't all it's cracked up to be and anyone that doesn't cry at Arlington Cemetery or the Vietnam Memorial in DC is an alien. Did you know it's a 24 hour train ride from Amsterdam to Madrid and one of the funniest things I've ever seen/heard is the original Dracula movie in Spanish with English subtitles. I don't know why, it just is. And if you ever get the chance to live in Key West, do it. It will change your life.
But yet, I want more. All of those things were great and I'll never forget them or all the things I didn't mention, but now that I have someone in my life, I want to do them all again and show him why they mean so much to me and then create new memories of different places with him. We have plans to travel and now that he is finished with school and starting his career, that goal isn't that far away. I've got a lot to look forward to. And even though life is a little rough right now, I've got to focus on the best parts of it. We are surrounded by incredible family and friends. And now that we don't live in Orlando anymore and I'm not feeling choked by the unfriendliness of it, I feel better than I have in a long time. I really like this new chapter in my life and look forward to getting settled into it.
So, although life moves on and it's marching across my face, it's important to stay young in spirit and in heart. I always have and hope I always will. I guess it's good to reflect on your life and hone your focus on where you want to go and what you need to do to get there. I just need to say to myself that everything is okay and who cares if your almost 50.
